Wednesday, December 18, 2013

cabo wabo jabo shlabo

Waking up with the sun in your face and booze sweats then hopping right on your bike is something I like to think us filthy dudes have a lot of experience with, but holy shit son; It's a little different in the Mexican desert when you are trying to keep up with 100,000$ buggies on a fucking maze of trails where all you have to go by is tracks in the sand and dust in the air. I was completely lost a couple times but would just rage up the closest pile of rocks and see dust clouds in the distance and head that way.

I rolled up on a posse of little Banditos that said some buggies had passed through town. They were mobbing my shit pretty hard so I got them to open the gate for me and tossed 100 pesos into the bush and tore off Houdini styles. Problem was now in this town with 8 buildings and about 800 roads leading out of town. It's pretty impossible to track anything in dry sand. I narrowed it down to about 40 possible roads and took the one that looked the chillest. I ran along farms for a while and crossed this gnarly river. I really didn't want to run out of gas in the middle of the fucking desert so I barged straight east towards the highway. Which you can do in the desert because there isn't shit to stop you. I already had a couple cactus flats(Jesse had one flat and it was in the middle of nowhere from a fucking 22gauge braid nail, which is hilarious because he has a millwork installation company) but anyways my new rubber prevailed and I was on the highway with 10 boring post-dirt kms to Todos Santos. Got some gas and had a tall barley pop before I headed into the hopefully small town to try and find Anita and all my gear probably should have asked where we were meeting.


After a while I spot the chase truck with the red buggy and Anita's bike strapped on a trailer and see Anita on her dumb crutches chilling with some kid blasting fireworks outside of the hotel California. Turns out Jesse was there too (he was going to meet his lady on the mainland but all the ferries were booked til January. She changed her flight last minute and was landing in cabo the next day so he was back on the team for a bit) and he had a cold pacifico waiting for me inside. The American dude bro buggy tour showed up about 20 later and were glad I wasn't dead or anything; adding they were hitting another dirt trail for about halfway to cabo. Jesse was down and kept offering the Americans tequila whenever we caught up to there caterpillar stops but they never would because they were pussies and more so because they didn't want to fall off any of the sketchy fucking roads we were driving. The road reminded me of that one section of the Highline; Mad windey and curvy and sheer drops but instead of gravel its still all fucking sandman styles. Even in the mountain passes its all fucking sand in Mexico. The river crossings were cool. They were man pinner but you could that a couple times a year they would be over your head.


About an hour of this spat us out on this huge delta, again all sand. There was a "road" that weaved through the delta but it was probably more fucked than just riding wherever the fuck you wanted. The buggies just disappeared on me while I was maxed in 5th standing up for about 10 minnutes straight. It was fucked, forever proving that in sand you just fucking grip and rip. I was eating everything. I found the buggies and stopped and taking turns hitting this jump and getting their picture snapped by Paul. I am fucking exhausted by this point and when Jesse gets there we dilly around a bit and head to the highway where we think they are headed. The culverts in Mexico are fucking perfect lounge chairs (typical) and we chill sesh. The dudes never showed so we just crammed to cabo on the highway splitting and drinking.

In cabo we have no clue where their shop is. We are splitting lanes into the city and this scooter brother shows up in the mix. We are ruling the highway for a while and come to a light. We ask if he knows where the spot is and he does the follow me head snatch and burns through the red to the left. We cruise with him for a bit and at one intersection he points down a road and splits. we find the dudes and Anita and our gear. Anita is staying with some family friends in this super fancy spot and us dirty gentlemen are not welcome. We find a cheap hotel which actually wasnt bad and head to the rippers. Checked out a couple bars played knuckles with this 7 year old street hustler girl who was slanging chiclets for about an hour outside a 24h pharmacia and ended up at some shitty peeler spot with a pool table a good introduction to cabo San shittus.


The next day I ripped around on the beach for a bit, raging by tourists and ducking through all girl volleyball matches, giving everyone free sand cocktails filth styles. We grab Kris from the airport and head out to this spot they found on AirBnB which turned out to be the chillest spot yet. Fun road with many classic mexican washouts, huge sand canyons out of nowhere, i think i have gotten pretty good at the old unweight ditch jump move. We get to the spot on a beach called shipwrecks. This couple was so fucking chill and buddy loved tequila and green. A chill ass three days ended with me seeing jesse and Kris off and heading back to cabo to find the cripple.

That night was the second time so far I slept in this dope hammock tree spot I found. Along the highway between san jose del cabo and cabo san lucas, there are tonnes of beaches you can ride down onto. It was night and I scoped one out but there were a bunch of mexicanos having parties on the beach, sketchy parties. I chill for a second an ponder the ponderable lounge mode on the T with a spliff and a modelo staring blankly down the coast. Right at that moment a huge fireworks display pops off maybe 20km down the coast and I am already en reclino in the perfect spot. A few more frostys and they're over and i decide to head inland. Under the highway and rip this trail with my shitty headlight and a flashlight in my mouth. I came across a bunch of sleeping cows blocking the trail and they all start huffing and puffing with their huge ass horns. I pull a quick 180 and take a different fork and find a dope pair of trees up on a little cliff and set up camp. I must have been zonked because I pulled the classic fall asleep in the hammock with a beer in your hand and wake up in a puddle move. No sweat when the sun cooks so hard every morning. Ran out of gas on the way back to cabo and had to push 4 or 5 miles to a pemex but damn that jumex tasted good when I got there.

As of now Anita and I are in cabo, I have my motor out to inspect a few things that look fine. I found a piece of the kickstart assembly in my sump(half of #26),

but I said 20 hail Tzuses so it's all good. Brother aint gonna split the case on the side of the road in mexico. Anita gets her cast off maybe tomorrow and then we're back at 'er.
The one show feb 9th anyone?

Thursday, December 5, 2013


After leaving JDs we cruise right through the tecate border, seriously. Come to think about it I haven't had to show my beat ass passport or any ID to anyone since we entered the states. It was straight highway until San Felipe so I'll start there. A bunch of sick ass mountain passes and a bunch of highway work with ~3km dirt detours every time. Ripping by all the semis and shitty Mexican trucks that passed you on the pavement. Tits. 

 We hit a point where the highway just ends and it's a dirt road from San Luis gonzaga back to the highway on the pacific side. Earlier in the day anita had her first little battle with sand i watched her ditch it and launch her bike onto a barbwire fence. Pretty sure both wheels were suspended, damn sr bouncing around like a Japanese piñata. No harm done besides some badass scratches on the fork tubes. This dirt highway is super fun stuff. Hang a right a rip up a mesa have a beer and then drop back in to meet any street bike mamacitas you happen to be rolling with. It was somewhere along this stretch Anita got down and dirty in the sand again. Looked like a rolled ankle, looked like it hurt. Didn't even make fun of her for doning Blundstones on the trip. Boot off tensor on boot back on; 30 minutes and were Rollin. Slow and steady til we reach cocos corner. 

 Everything I have heard about this cat is true, ultimate G. Cooked us up some beans and tortillas gave us a bunch of cold beers for Anita's ankle. With anita held up in one of cocos derelict campers Jesse and I were free to say hi to Sid and climb huge fucking piles of rocks for the rest of the day throwing rocks at cars and rescuing smoke doggers from crevasses, typical shit. Cocos passes out super early and I find out why. Every hour or so someone is ripping down this dirt highway about 50 ft away. Half of them stop and say hi whether it be gringos or Mexicanos whether it's for a cold beer on a hot afternoon or to fuck with two white guys in the middle of the night. Still don't know exactly what the fuck was going on but no one got murkd; all good. 

 In the morning a homie rolls up in a 15p and says we can throw the bike in the back and he owns a hotel in San Ignacio that we can stay at while anita gets her ankle checked out. We pack her up and she's on her way. We pack, say bye to coco, probably the biggest pervy chiller I have ever met, and roll. 40km of dirty mountain passes to the highway and then 3 or 4 hours of the straightest highway I have ever seshed. Only highlights were seeing some cyclists with Canadian flags, nutters, and jesses head almost being clocked off by a vulture swooping off some dead ass cow, like inches at 65mph and those things are big. 

 We get to this guys cafe and anita is all chilling watching 80s music videos, tight. This guy is rad and raced the 1000 a couple times in trucks. He also likes to help people. I gather this by the fact that he facilitated anita getting an X-ray at a worker-only hospital in guerro negro and drove us all the way there. On the way there and back he told nonstop stories about people getting served on the highway and have to come to the rescue. Some gnarled shit too like showing up to a bus full of baseball players smashed into a rock wall with blood rivers running 100 feet down the mountain, thanks dude. Back in Guerro, little fracture, little cast, 6000 pesos and a prescription for... Ibuprofen?? C'mon Mexico. 

 This hotel is right by this huge oasis, which is essentially a big lagoon with a million date palms and orange trees everywhere. There are some roads through and we had a couple good night rips. Jesses kill switch innards went missing literally in there middle of the jungle and we had una problemò. 5 contacts which to jump. First try blows his fuse and he has to take his bike half apart to replace it. We get the bike going but whenever he tries to take off it dies. Fucking klr has safety switches in the clutch and the kickstand xt4lyfe. Pitch black, left the klr for the morning and double out. Get a little lost and Jesse hops off to look at his iPhone and we see a "Mexican lion" (3/4 size mountain lion more or less) about 15 feet away in the bushes eyeing us up. I start the T up fuck the gps, let's roll. Beers and tacos taste good. 

 Homie at the hotel has to drive down to Santa Rosalia for some fish or something and hooks up a ride with Anita's bike again. He drops us off and we try and scope out a hotel. Most things are fully booked and we grab some desyuno and cervezas to help figure it out. This rad senior group starts talking to us and we got a ride further down the coast with them. These dudes rule. I'm sitting on their porch now. Just got done breakfast, snorkelled with some stingrays, patched my 4th flat in 4 days, and anita is getting back from town with a possible ride to laPaz. Gary and Jill have let us chill for 3days with beds and showers and food and a huge shop and atvs and tones of trail knowledge. Thanks dogs. 

 One of Gary's Mexican homies called up yesterday and told us that he found a ride to laPaz we just had to be there in 30 minutes. We raced into town with yah boy flat tracking the sr through the dirt and we lifted the sr in the back of the semi. Nothing to strap it to so we threw some tractor tires underneath and strapped it to them. Threw the cripple in the cab with this random Mexicano for the long haul. Pornos in the back and everything. Should be chill right? On the ride back to the spot gary makes some pretty funny jokes about rape. Jesse and I throw our shit together and rip to laPaz with a bunch of tequila breaks. 6 hours of sketchy dark Mexican mountain highways, cows, donkeys, goats, and dogs and we're in laPaz. 

 Woke up with my boots on and feel great. Hunted a some rear rubber and went on a fucking goose chase. The honda and Yamaha dealership didn't have anything at all. Everyone just rides those shit 125 delivery bikes. Went to a couple shops and still nothing. Everyone has these tiny shops and works on shit right next to the receptionist, mostly wack race atvs. Last shop we tried had a mint '76 out front so I knew it was going to be good. Homie inside had one 18" and it's a new trail master. Boom. 

Going a little stir crazy but we are heading to cabo tomorrow. Some dudes showed up at this hotel last night with eight sick class 1 buggies. This dude Paul runs some adventure tour company for rich dudes which is pretty sick but pretty funny. Dudes so psyched they're wrestling in their hotel rooms and shit. These guys are riding to cabo tomorrow and are riding 100% dirt in these buggies and are down to take anita and Anita's bike in the chase truck. Basically i am going to be shredding dirt all the way to cabo tomorrow racing 16 rich dudes in buggies. Wish me luck. 

 Much love to my filthy homies. Getting some good footy.